When I was a young boy, I wanted to fly a fighter jet. I never did. Life and resources didn’t take me there to fly in my way. I have become an Engineer. Looking back, 18 years of academic hurdles, hard work and all other challenges I overcome just to buy grocery, pay rent and bills. Look into you, I am almost certain you are not what that little boy inside of you wanted to be. This is life, we all playing on a stage. Even though we are chasing something, we are not going anywhere. Where do you want to go, where do you want to be?
Even if you are there, you look over to your shoulder for something that isn’t you yet, you keep running for something else. At the end you, I and everyone we know of will turn into nothing, equally zero. There was a time in my life, I stopped chasing, I wanted nothing, just happy. What is it, happiness? It’s not out there either, it’s within us. Our brain, the most complex structure sitting above controlling us, unleashed and needed to be trained. Perhaps the hardest part to train our brain, send signals back and forth letting it know that I am happy, I am who I am, accept how things are and not how I want to be.
Being in Antartica and many other parts, I have seen life. I have seen how god plays dice. God inside of me, not out there watching or waiting for my return. Are we here for purpose? We don’t know. Accident? Perhaps. The fact is we are here. It is the only heaven we would know of, and hell is here as well. One chance to see both, one may be longer than other, but they both here must be experienced by all. We, the conscious mind happily living through this hell knowing heaven may slam to our door even for few moments, and life then become worth living. Our travel is such, nothing like it, it’s an escape from the hell.
December 26th (Day 3):
Our ship anchored in the morning at Portal-Point near Enterprise Island. The day I had done something truly remarkable for my own. If I live long enough, looking into the mirror I would be able to tell myself -you have done it. Polar Plunge, I jumped into subzero Antarctic Ocean. Of course it wasn’t easy. Specially the mental part of it. I thought about doing it many times. As time was near, fear was growing. Am I going to be able to do it? Am I going to turn around at the very last minute waiting exposed outside behind others?
Then it became easy. I thought about my Ma, the woman who is not here today. My last place to hide, my shelter, only person who would be more scared than anyone I know. Her lifelong struggle and love to raise me and other five siblings is something within me. I know my heart isn’t mine, it’s her, I am just the carrier. I knew I would do it for her, I have to, fear wouldn’t stop me. And then I jumped. It pinched the entire nerve system, it took a while to return to normal, but the joy within me will remain so long I am around knowing somewhere my Ma was scared, then she smiled.
Enterprise Island, our afternoon here cruising around on zodiac. Cruising through breathtaking icy water and Antarctic landscape all around, we then came to see another wonder, history. Wreck of a whale hunting mighty factory ship, Governoren. It used to carry thousands of barrels of oil produced from whales after slaughtering and complete processing. 1915, luck didn’t favor. After a successful whale hunting season, the crew celebrated, they were partying onboard the ship. Perhaps when dancing, someone knocked a lamp, ship caught fire filled with whale oil beneath the deck.
Now more than 100 years, the ship is still there in silence. Few birds flying around, resting on the wreck. Their home safe again, untouched at least for now. The beauty of cruising around the peninsula isn’t the landscape or wildlife, it is the silence and solitude. Imagine another planet without human, how wonderful that would be? And I know I stepped into one of them, another world here, loneliness is the beauty. I would never see this loneliness anywhere else. I pledged, if I live long enough healthy, I want to touch this solitude one more time, I must return.
December 27th (Day 4):
I was planning to kayak in Antarctic Ocean, It was on my bucket list. Some preparations, special kayaking suit was necessary. Sarmin didn’t join me, scared of course. She can’t swim either, asked me to go by myself and stayed onboard. If it feels right, she would join another day. That another day never appeared, this was it. We kayaked through the most magnificent landscape in Antarctic Peninsula. Countless icebergs, ice and snow covered landscape and of course those unavoidable penguins, It was their home, we were just passing wanderers. I kayaked in Orne Harbor in the peninsula. When kayaked in the morning our afternoon was waiting for amazing landing.
You wouldn’t believe where we landed in the afternoon, Danco Island. The place truly the complete picture of Antarctica. There are few penguin colonies, up the hill covered with deep snow. Did you hear about penguin highway? it’s the path they all follow, easy to walk avoiding snow holes. Before we arrived, expedition team created another highway parallel to penguin’s, this one is for us, all marked with red flags. It was instructed, if we step on soft covered snow that creates deep holes, we must cover it back so penguins don’t get trapped in them. When we landed, two species, us and penguins both just came onshore walking up the hill. One of the most memorable scenery I experienced. We didn’t ignore them, but they did. Our presence wasn’t threat to them, some got curious, walked towards us and then turned around. We were uninvited guests stayed in a distance in their home for an hour, then we returned to our ship anchored just a mile away.
Commentaires